Teaching Moment: The Lesson I Learned While Celebrating My Daughter's 6th Birthday

God is always at work teaching, correcting and growing us. He uses the simplest of situations to reveal areas in our lives where we need to heal, grow, or just "do better". When I started planning my daughter's 6th birthday celebration I didn't imagine that this occasion would turn into a teaching moment. I didn't realize that God would use the interactions from her birthday event to show me areas of my life where I needed both healing and growth.

I wrote the bulk of this blog over a month ago, but the Lord didn't allow me to release it right away. I had to pray over it, and sit with it for a little bit to make sure I wasn't speaking from a place of anger or bitterness. This past month the Lord has shone His light into some areas of my life and gave me a greater understanding about myself. He exposed cracks in my foundation that needed correcting if I was to live a healthy and whole life.

Like I mentioned a little while ago, most of this blog was written previously. I didn't delete any of my previous entry because I want you to experience my raw emotions at the time. I want you to understand my hurt and my triggers.

So for those that don't know, birthdays are a HUGE thing to me. I'm one of those obnoxiously annoying people who celebrate my birthday the entire month. I believe that every year you're blessed to be alive is a reason to celebrate. I believe that milestone birthdays should be a big event. So here's the thing, my youngest daughter turned 5 last year and due to COVID we weren't able to celebrate her the way we did my older 2 children. Since we weren't able to do anything extravagant last year, I planned to make up for it this year.

I started looking at different venues in town early trying to plan something really special. I finally settled on doing the party at a local pumpkin farm in town. The kids would be able to do different activities and my daughter would have her super special birthday party. After a really LONG conversation with my husband about the party details, I realized that these parties were more about me than the kids. Here I was trying to do something extra fancy for my daughter and hadn't even included her in the party plans.

You want to hear something funny? When I asked my daughter what SHE wanted to do for her birthday she said she wanted to go to Denny's for breakfast, get a McDonald's Happy Meal for dinner and watch movies as a family. So here I was doing "THE ABSOLUTE MOST", about to spend ALL my money and my daughter wanted something super simple. So we decided to honor her wishes and keep it simple. We woke up Saturday morning excited to go to Denny's for breakfast. This would be one of my kids first times eating inside a restaurant since the pandemic started.

Right before we were about to leave for Denny's I received a group message from my dad that he would be coming into town. Naturally, I was super excited about my dad coming and started talking to my husband about changing our plans for the day to include my father. I texted the group message inviting my dad and siblings to breakfast. Unfortunately, due to it being the last minute no one could make it but my dad.

Since no one was able to make it for breakfast I tried to figure out other plans. We have a family fun park in town and I thought it would be nice for all of us to go there together. That would give us an opportunity to celebrate my daughter's birthday AND enjoy time with my father. I sent out another group message inviting everyone to the family fun park later that evening. The response I got back was not expected!! I received a message calling me selfish for inviting everyone to the family fun park at the last minute. Here I was rearranging my ENTIRE day to make the most out of my father's surprise visit, and I get called SELFISH!! To say I was upset was an understatement.

After talking through my feelings with my husband and allowing a couple of hours to pass by to get out of my feelings, I decided to send a final group message letting everyone know we were headed to the family fun park. I told them I hoped they could make it, but if not maybe we could meet up later. I even added a heart faced emoji to show I was playing nice. Crickets....no response back. I mean these are people who have their phones in their hands 24/7, so I know they saw my message.

Even though I didn't get a response back, me, my husband and our kids headed to the fun park. We had an amazing time. We road Go-Karts and played miniature golf. My son surprised us all and did really well, I had no idea that he was such a natural mini golf player. I think the birthday girl got a little jealous, because she "accidently" hit her brother in the head with a golf club (he wasn't badly injured). Even though we were having a great time, I had to consciously remind myself to stay in the moment with my family and not look at my phone for a response or not look at the parking lot to see if my dad or sibling’s cars were pulling up. Over 2 hours had passed before one of my sisters finally texted me that she wasn't going to make it. I sent the thumbs up emoji and said "no worries", but to be honest I was a tad bit irritated.

After we left the family fun park, we took our daughter to Target to choose a toy for her birthday gift. In the back of my mind I was wondering what my siblings and dad were doing, but I refused to text again. I reminded myself a second time to stay in the moment with my family. We got home, popped popcorn and watched Frozen 2. Even though I was smiling and I truly enjoyed celebrating my daughter's birthday I felt a way inside. I went to bed feeling a mixture of sadness and anger.

On Sunday morning on my way to church, after a lot of internal battling about whether I should text or not text, I ended up texting my dad to see if he made it home safely. He told that he had, he ended up staying in town for the night and went home early that morning. Instantly, negative thoughts started creeping into my mind because he was in town the WHOLE night and nobody thought to message me or include me. I was a ball of emotions. I was so upset because here I was willing to change my ENTIRE schedule, ON MY DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY, to make sure everyone felt included and nobody thought enough about me to do the same. It was so bad that I started looking up passive aggressive meme to post on Facebook and everything. I mean, I even took screenshots of a couple of good ones, but the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me to delete them ALL.

I knew in that moment that I needed to allow God into this sensitive space. I started praying for God to give me peace. I prayed to be able to release these negative feelings. I prayed against the Spirit of heaviness. I prayed for right perspective concerning the entire situation. As I prayed I was reminded of Hebrews 12:15, I couldn't allow the enemy to come in and plant any roots of bitterness. I also realized that there were roots of rejection and feelings of being excluded that were ALREADY running deep that needed to be pulled up.

After even more time in prayer, journaling my feelings and talking to my husband, I realized a couple of truths. So often we're praying for God to move in different areas of our lives, and when He ACTUALLY starts to move we don't recognize Him at work. We hold on to our ideals of how things "should be", when God is shifting things in an entirely different direction. For other's this whole birthday experience might not seem like a big deal, but for ME, God used it as an opportunity to confirm and address some things He's been speaking to me about for YEARS!!

I've been praying for a long time for peace, the elimination of drama, and more intimate moments with my husband. I’ve also been praying for God to reveal areas in me that are not like Him. My daughter’s birthday was an answered prayer that provided me an opportunity to experience God moving in each of the areas.

I was able to experience both peace and intimate time alone with my husband and kids. There was absolutely no drama, we didn't have to worry about people not wearing their masks, and more importantly we didn't have to accommodate anyone else's time schedule or issues.

I come from a big family so I always want my family around me. I want to be involved and included in EVERYTHING. However, since the beginning of the pandemic, God has been showing me, ME. He has been showing me areas where I need growth and healing. He's been showing me that this is my season to leave and cleave to my husband. This is my season to not be invited so I could mature. I struggle with boundary issues, people pleasing, and a need for validation. Case and point, I IMMEDIATELY changed my daughter's birthday plans, without a second thought to accommodate other people. I wanted to make sure that everyone was able to spend time with my dad, feel included and be happy. God is trying to deliver from these behaviors of brokenness and dysfunction and He used this birthday situation to really expose me.

The fact that I was called selfish was absolutely accurate. God has been giving me a lot of hard truths lately. My throat is sore from all the hard pills I’ve had to swallow. I WAS being selfish without even realizing it. Selfish to my daughter for changing her birthday plans in the first place to accommodate other people. Selfish for assuming that everyone would see the good intentions behind my actions. Selfish for expecting people to do things the way I would do them, think the way I would think and operate the way I would in a situation. It's selfish to hold people hostage to my expectations, it's not fair to them or me. I have to accept people for who they are and adjust my standards accordingly.

God is doing a mighty work in my life during this season. I've been praying for YEARS for God to move in my marriage, strengthen my family, and refine and mature me so I could walk in His will. When we pray and ask God to move we have to be mindful that He won't always move the way we want Him to. Sometimes the refining process involves being tried by fire. Sometimes the maturation process involves separation and being excluded for a season. Sometimes to receive your healing you have to be placed in situations that reveal your areas of brokenness. When I started planning my daughter's birthday party I never imagined God would use this situation as a teaching moment.

So in the words of James 1:1-4, God I thank for the many trials I face in my life. I thank you for the uncomfortable moments and experiences that expose areas of brokenness. I thank you for refining me by fire. Each test grows my faith and produces a righteous determination in me. God I pray that you continue to strengthen me and give me the tools to navigate hard situations. Thank you for working in me to mature me. Even though it painful now in the end I will be complete, healed and not lacking in any area of my life.